If you consider adopting a child in Haiti in future, you need to know this:
There are many orphanages in Haiti. Some are recognised from IBESR, the official body dealing with adoption procedures. Some are not.
Before the earthquake wich devastated the capital, IBESR was visiting orphanages. They gave a licence for adoption to some orphanages. They could welcome children, macht them to a family and organise adoption procédures through a lawyer.
IBESR has no huge means and these visits are seldom. Some orphanages show one reality to IBSER and parents. Once they turn their back, there is another reality taking place...
About adoption costs:
In 2000 adoption procedures would cost around 4000usd. Before the earthquake adoptive parents would have to pay the orphanage between 7000usd to 10,000usd.
When you think of what life costs in Haiti, you may be outraged at such costs. You need to know this: Many children arrive at the orphanage extremely ill. When the birth parents realise their child will die, they prefer to see him or her live by bringing him to an orphanage to be adopted.
Some children need intensive medical care, medicine and attention. All children need clothing, water, food, nappies, stimulation, shelter and staff to take care of them.
Lawyers who process the files are generously paid. IBESR gets 100usd per adoption processed. Local documents costs are not very high. A Haitian passeport for the child costs around 20usd (maybe a little more by now).
Nowadays an adoption procedure can last up to 2 years. Whilst some children need a lot of medical care, others will "incur less costs" for the orphanage.
The director of an orphanage needs to manage and balance the expenses. She needs to pay rent and pay staff. Depending on her management, the "profits" vary. Depending on the reputation acquired by the orphanage as well.
In a few years adoption in Haiti has exploded.
Poverty is still what it used to be. In Haiti parents do not "sell" their children for adoption. I recall, when I was only 10 years old, how a woman, sitting half nacked with a baby boy on her lap called out to my mother in despair as we walked in the street "Madam, take my boy, he is just born. Take him, I have nothing and he will die! Take him and make him your son". In my child's mind, I was going to have a brother. I could not understand my mother who refused, horrified, and then walked to the supermaket, bought milk for the child and food for the mother. And then what...? I thought. What when the food is finished?
It takes courage to face misery and remain human:
In Haiti, if you do not lock yourself up in your hotel but really meet the people, you are confronted with heart breaking situations at each step you make. Haitians who live a "better life" protect themselves: they are at times, incredibly harsh with the poor and desperate people. Sadly, the need for self protection that involves harsh strategies has become a habit in many. A habit that has no reasons to be when we have compassion and courage.
Return to Haiti for the adoption of our daughter : I meet Mrs A.
When I returned in Haiti many years later, to adopt our daughter, I stayed in Petionville, where I was hosted by a haitian woman married (I will call her here Mrs A.) to a French man. She was married to the son of my parents'friends and offered to welcome us both. I was happy because I knew that I would need support there. I offered to retribute her because I did not want to impose on the family. It was a good arrangement. Mrs A drove me and my daughter to the various offices we needed to finish adoption process.
One day she drove us to a pharmacy and as I came out of the car with my daughter, a old lady asked me if I wanted to buy a child's dress she was selling. I had no time to answer: Mrs A. hissed at the old lady: "Get off, white people don't need your shit!"
I felt chocked and was left speechless, confused, unable to react and later ashamed because I did not. I needed respect for the old woman and for my integrity. What differenciates me from this woman? I am no better than she is and she could have been my beloved grandmother. She probably gave life. Someone gave her life, I am sure someone or many people love her. This woman who could have been my grandmother if God had decided so, could have been my grandmother, my mother maybe?
We are human beings. "White" has no relevance. I was so sad when I saw the old lady turn, resigned, accepting her fate. As if this form of abuse is part of normality, daily bread.
A disease in haitian society: contempt
This incident reflects much of the disease that eats up Haiti: Tell someone who is hungry that he is worthless and you cut off his legs. Poor people have committed this crime: they are poor. And they are punished by those who have a little more. Those who live in closed up houses garded by gards and staff they treat with the same contempt. If you look well, you may see in a corner, when you are a guest, the little 7 years old girl wiping the table or scrubbing a pot. "We took her on board, her parents cannot care for her". If you scratch deeper: she does not attend school, cannot watch TV and does not mix up with the kids of the family who attend "proper schools" where they are driven to by chauffeurs. In the streets you often spot a half nacked child walking, feet covered in dust, looking aimless and hungry. And when an adult gets close, you see fear in his eyes. You can also choose to see those little kids who play with a wheel or tins and giggle when you pass. Not all kids have the same life, most know hunger very well!
So how do "haitian middle class" protect themselves?
How can you give yourself a good consicence when around you all is chaos and misery? When each step you make you see someone who really needs help. Someone you could help and choose not to because "why her and not another?". When this happens each day for years, you take a "restavec" and it seems to you that what you do is a good action.
Mrs A. enters that cathergory, with the difference that...
She says nowadays that she came from a "poor background and knows how it feels to be hungry".
When I met her, this was not what she told me.
But as I am in Haiti with my daughter, over the next few days I see her behave differently: She introduces me to her made and speaks nicely of "poor people". Although the incident really bothered me I attributed it to Mrs A. being scared for my safety and having over-reacted.
Our son, her brother to be.
He is waiting for us back home. He is just a few months older than she is. She is 3 years and is feather light, sick and very sad.
I want this to be an "open adoption".
I want to meet up with the birth parents of our daughter. I want them to be at peace. I don't want them to live in anguish. I want our daughter to be there. I meet them in the presence of Mrs A. We talk. They tell me what lead to them making the decision. I feel sad. I explain that I wanted them to know where their child goes, how she will live. I said I would not have been at peace myself, if they had not met me, if had I not met them. It was a beautiful encounter and there were to be more in the following years.
Mrs A. became the "link" between our two families:
After I spoke to the parents and heard of their predicament, I decided to sponsor the 10 years old boy who could not attend school. I bought medicine for the new born baby who was sick. Our daughter was the "middle child" in this family. The dad had lost his job and could no longer feed the children. They were very thin, very dignified in their perfectly clean and pressed clothe. Like many people in their situation in Haiti, they did not have an address nor did they have a bank account nor a postal box. There was no way I could communicate with them.
There was little time left before our departure.
I opened an account on my daughter's name in Haiti. Mrs A. had access to the account. I trusted her. She accepted to give the letters to the family (and send me theirs) and I asked her to retreive 100usd per month to give them so that the boy could attend school and the baby could be fed. There was no direct contact between our family, mainly because there was no postal box. All went through Mrs A. who had been very welcoming, very warm helpful, and whom I trusted.
Mrs A. does "B&B"
Before I left I thanked Mrs A. She said that she would be happy to welcome adoptive families and support them as she has done me. This would give her something useful to do and generate some income. Her house had enough rooms and she was willing to drive people around.
I had created an adoption forum in France and moderated it for years:
On my return from Haiti, I shared my experience there and told parents that Mrs A. would welcome parents for 50USD to 70USD per night plus fees for transport. I said how well I had been welcomed and gave Mrs A.'s contact. From then on many adoptive parents were hosted by her and she became familiar with adoption procedures.
We want the b-family to have a place of their own:
In early 2001 I asked Mrs A. if she was willing to buy some land on our daughter's name so that the family could build a little house and have a place to stay. She agreed and started looking for it. We wired 6000usd on our daughter's account. Over the next years I kept asking for the deeds but there seemed to be some problems to get them done...
We wired money each year:
Between 2001 and 2004 we sent money once a year. It was to cover the sponsorhip (and a little more just in case there were medical costs).
We wrote to the family and they wrote back but there was something odd:
We wrote and sent photos regularly. We received each time a letter in return. But over the years I did notice that the family "thanked us" for "what we were doing" for them but never commented on the money we sent. I presumed all was in order: what else would they thank us for. But increasingly I wrote about the money "is the money we send sufficient to feed the children?" I would ask. These letter never received a reply.
In 2002 Mrs A. asks if I can find sponsors for kids:
I receive a Christmas card in which she sends her best wishes for the new year and then asks if I could assist her in finding sponsors for around 10 children of whom she gives the names. I feel unconfortable. This is not an organisaiton but a private action and there are no controls. Even though I trust Mrs A. I want no involvement if one day there are problems with the money. Besides,the amount that would have circulated through Mrs A hands each month would have been around 1000usd. That was much money for Haiti... I explained my concerns and left it to that.
A strange call:
Shortly after a friend of mine who had been hosted by Mrs A. calls me: "I feel unconfortable, what do you think: When we were at Mrs A, during the adoption process of our child, Mrs A. asked us if we would consider sponsoring the daughter of her maid. The maid was there with the little girl and we of course agreed. The problem is that now the maid of Mrs A. writes me a letter saying that Mrs A. told her that we never sent the money and therefore she never received it. So she now left her service and aks us if we could consider helping her child"
I called Mrs A.
In such stories you never know what really hapened. So I wanted to hear Mrs A. She became angry immediately: "These people, you cannot trust them! Of course I gave her the money! Now she goes and lies because she wants more!" I did not know what to advise my friend.
To follow:
We discover Mrs A. never gave the money to the family.
The "land" was purchased on our daughter's name, but for a fraction of the cost.
Mrs. A. declares our daughter as hers on the notarised documents.
Mrs. A. opens an orphanage.
Mrs. A. sees the family starve before her eyes and does nothing.
Mrs. A has the last child of the family, the sister of our daughter adopted and pockets 5000usd.
Mrs. A. makes fake notarised documents using the passport of the birth father.
